apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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