it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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