FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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