I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
