Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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