if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize