Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize