Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
