Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
