Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
