hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
