I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
