is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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