It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize