Im at strip club and am horny
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
