and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
