masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
