The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
