I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
