i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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