Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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