Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
