I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
