hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently you make a good broom.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
