Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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