hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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