So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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