I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
