I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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