I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
