Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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