I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
