why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
