mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
