I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize