I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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