Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize