I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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