I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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