I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
