What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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