I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
