you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
