Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
