I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
