New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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