She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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