look no pants
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
