i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
