I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
