May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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