I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
