I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
