I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sobbing to NWA
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
