you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
