I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
