I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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