Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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