So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize