i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
