I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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