I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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