oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
