he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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