Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
