wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize