I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
