She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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