I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
