its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
