I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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