just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize