Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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