I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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