if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize